not literally, but figuratively anyway. I have been hoping for a few months now that Jon & I would once again get pregnant...notice how I include Jon in the actual pregnancy part! I know it's soon after losing Logan, but I so want another little one and I was unfortunately not blessed with the whole patience thing. We "tried" really working on the every other day schedule this past month...which obviously didn't work so well this time around.
***BTW, this is probably TMI for most, so feel free to come read my next post instead another day!!***
Let me start from Saturday the 27th. I was taking a shower, Jon was not home but Lucas was, and I had shampoo in my hair when L ran in and asked if he could answer the door. I tell him NO thinking that if someone was knocking on my door on a Saturday morning that it was probably FedEx or UPS and that they could leave it at the door. I proceed on to trying to shave...about 5 minutes later L says that they are still BANGIN on the door. I try to rinse off, dry off, wrap up my hair and look for a robe...only to find no robe. So, I wrap another towel around me and head to the door, only to find a super young delivery boy with some beautiful flowers for me. I was so embarrased when I had to ask him if I hid behind the door if he could put them on the bar in the kitchen...poor guy turned bright red. I wondered what the flowers were for...even though my sweet husband sends me flowers every 27th for the past month. That's when I realize that it has been exactly six months since we lost him.
So, my thoughts lead to that and then they lead to wondering if I could be pregnant or not. I, being the strange person that I am, get online and go to the due date predictor and plug in what would be my LMP if I happen to be preggos. Imagine my shock when I see that this "wishful-thinking-totally-hypothetical-baby" would share the exact same due date as Logan had. I was beyond weirded out. Then the more I thought about it, the more excited I was thinking that things would have seemed to come full circle if that happened.
Yes...for those of you who don't know me...I generally get WAY ahead of myself when I am pregnant or trying to be. It's again, another one of my quirks.
To add insult to injury, I wind up spotting for 5 days...really lightly, which is what I did when I was pregnant with my miscarraige and with Logan. I start honest to goodness believing that I am pregnant...only to finally wake up in the middle of the night on the 5th to find that I have super bad cramps and a heavy flow. YUCK and BOO!
Now, I realize that all things happen in Gods timing and don't think I'm not praying for patience on this...but as I've mentioned before, patience is not a virtue of mine. I can hardly believe that 6 months has passed me right by when I thought that time would literally stop after I lost Logan. Some days I feel incredibly guilty for wanting another little one so soon and then other days I can hardly keep the excitement of trying out of my head.
For those of you who don't know Jon & I, we are way too laid back for our own good. We don't do schedules or anything like that, so being on a "knock-me-up" schedule is not exactly FUN for us...isn't that strange?
Here's to hoping that this month with be our last of scheduling out intamacy!!
4 hours ago